For the last couple of days I have been feeling completely overwhelmed. I am really starting to notice my husband's absence, and the burden of responsibility for my entire family is weighing heavily on me. I feel pressed in on every side, and I actually ache physically.
In counseling on Saturday, my counselor encouraged me to really feel what I'm feeling, but it hurts, and I find that I am becoming frustrated and irritable. I don't know how I can possibly take care of everything that is now my responsibility. I can't do it all, and I feel like I may burst into tears at any moment. I'm sorry. You've been warned.
In the week before my husband entered treatment, I found myself paralyzed in the supermarket fighting back tears because of a stupid Rob Thomas song that was playing over the sound system. ("Little Wonders", if you must know.) I couldn't move, and I could hardly breathe as the reality of my husband's imminent departure came crashing down on me.
The only thing that saved me from melting into a puddle of tears was something I heard Elisabeth Elliot say on the radio years ago, "Do the next thing." And at that moment, the next thing was finding the Clorox Wipes, because they were on sale for $1.99. (Praise the Lord for Elisabeth Elliot and Clorox Wipes!)
But here I am again, where the only step is the next step. And I must confess that this is getting really hard. And in spite of all the heartache and chaos of the last several years, I miss him...
First off, I've been meaning to tell you for quite some time, your writing is wonderful! Everything flows so nicely, and it's just perfect. You truly have a gift.
ReplyDeleteSecond, what an incredibly strong woman you are. I recently went through your "The Strong-Willed Family" blog and came upon both posts about your Uncle Jack and Grandpa Tommy. What wonderful people they were, but it made it more apparent for me the tribulations your family has been through in the last two years, and I'm so sorry for that. I really wish there was something I could say to make things better but sometimes there just isn't, and putting it in His hands is the only answer. However, I wanted to let you know that I have been and continue to think about you and your family everyday. Your strength is an inspiration to so many, and I pray the burden becomes less and less each day.
"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV)
Kelley,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. I have always appreciated your honesty and willingness to share with me. Sometimes life seems to give us hard knocks that seem so unfair. The Lord has taught me to praise Him the most in those times. It's a chance to kick satan in the stomach, teeth, or whereever you want to kick him. It also helps to bring peace to your soul. Praise God for how He is working in Paul's life. When this is all done, may there be a testimony for God that is bigger than you or Paul can even imagine
Love you and am praying for you.
Joyce
Hi Kelley,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing the perspective of, "Do the next thing." We know that Elizabeth Elliot came to this through the experience of great loss in her life while hanging on to her relationship with Jesus.
Your comments remind me of the words of Paul found in II Corinthians 4:8 & 9. "We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed--"
It's late and I can't do it justice but we know that Paul was not being trivial when a few verses later he said, "For 'our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 'while we do not look at things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."
I know that you are offering encouragement to others as you transparently share your current struggles. You also remind us to keep you and your family in our prayers.
I love you Kelley,
Aunt Diane
I had a good cry last night, and it helped, but your wonderful words of encouragement and the passages of scripture shared are even better.
ReplyDeleteThank you, all. I am truly blessed!
[...] lyrics to Rob Thomas’s “Little Wonders” (you know, the song that nearly caused a meltdown in the supermarket). The song begins [...]
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