The Battle

The last couple of weeks have been extremely challenging for my family, and I have had to make some heart-wrenching decisions concerning my "adult" children.  They were failing to launch, and I gave them no choice but to eject.  

It can be extremely challenging to parent when there is a 10-year age gap between the youngest child and the oldest.  My adult children were failing to "filter up" for the sake of their younger siblings, and my minor children were starting to run with the "big dogs".  It was no longer enough to put the big dogs on a leash; I had to kick them out of the kennel for their own good and the good of the family.  

Now that the dust is beginning to settle and everyone is assured of unconditional love and their place in the family, I am finally able to breathe again.  My adult children are spreading their wings and learning to fly, and my minor children seem to be in a little less hurry to grow up.

Sometimes the hard thing is the best thing, even when it feels like your tearing your own heart from your chest.  This battle has been won; God is good, and I am blessed.

Adrift...

I haven't written in a while because life has gotten too painful to write about.  My husband has been breaking some rules at the recovery center for quite some time, and as a result, two months have been added to his program.  (He is, however, still clean.) Meanwhile, I have been dealing with an overwhelming mess of collateral damage stemming from more than two decades of poor choice and unhealthy examples. My family is adrift, and I am discouraged.  I covet your prayers.

Day 250: X-Men

Today I took my husband back over the mountains after a twelve-day visit to celebrate our son's graduation from high school.  How was the visit?  Nothing like either of us expected...

What did I expect?  I suppose I expected a knight in shining armor who would rescue me from the ravages of single-handedly trying to parent seven strong-willed children.

What did he expect?  It seems as though he expected a Martha Stewart meets June Cleaver hybrid complete with spotless house, heels, and gourmet meals.

What did we get?  Cyclops vs. Storm.  The first twenty-four hours were great, but by they time we hit the forty-eight hour mark, we weren't sure we were going to survive our "quality time" together.

What did we learn from the experience? We learned that recovery is a process, and although we are no longer "addict" and "enabler", we have a lot of rebuilding to do as a family and as a couple.  We also learned that expectations can be dangerous -- they are rarely realistic and are seldom ever met.

I can almost guarantee you that I will never be greeting my husband at the end of the day in heels and pearls with a five-course meal and a handcrafted centerpiece on our table, and my husband is not likely to ride up on a white horse wearing chain mail and brandishing a sword any time soon, but that's okay. Cyclops and Storm suit us just fine as long as we remember that we're both X-Men, and WE'RE ON THE SAME TEAM! We're finally figuring out that we'd much rather face the future with each other than against each other, and THAT, my friends, is progress!