Authenticity

 AUTHENTIC (adj.) -

• not false or copied; genuine; real (www.dictionary.com) 
• true to one's own personality, spirit, or character (www.merriam-webster.com)

As stated in a previous post, one of my words for 2011 is authenticity. I don't know what I was thinking when I chose that word...so easy to say, so much harder to live...especially when you're going through a trial.

Authenticity Challenge #1:  (This hasn't happened yet, but it will...)

I'm out and about functioning (because that's what I do), and I run into a Facebook "friend" (come on, admit it, we've all got 'em...), and the "conversation" goes something like this:

Friend:  "Well, hello!  How are you?"  (big, cheesy, insincere grin)

Me:   "Fine. Good!  And you?" (bigger, cheesier, more insincere grin)

And just like that, I've lied.  Oh dear, I've lied...  Oh my goodness gracious...I'VE LIED!  I most certainly am NOT fine! (But FB friend doesn't really care...) And circumstances are most definitely NOT good!  (But FB friend obviously has better things to do than listen to my drama...)

So what's a girl to do?  Is there ever a time when etiquette trumps authenticity?

Authenticity Challenge #2:  (This one DID happen!)

A few days ago I was feeling particularly feisty (read: snarky), and I made a snide comment about one of my son's friends, partially in jest, but the truth is "...out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."  (Matthew 12:34).  My son jumped me about it immediately, and I told him I was only joking, but he wouldn't let me off the hook and went a step further by saying, "You know you're just going to be all nice the next time you see 'em."  To which I replied (in my high and mighty voice), "Well, I'm not going to be rude!"  To which he replied, "Well, then you're just being two-face!"  O-U-C-H!  To make matters worse, one of my other big boys was there for the exchange and burst out laughing, because my other son had just rendered me utterly speechless, which pretty much never happens...  Can you say EPIC FAIL?!

I must confess that my initial reaction toward my "mouthy teenager" was anger, but as the night wore on, I realized that my anger should have been directed at myself, because my son was right, and my attitude toward his friend was ungodly.  I went downstairs with a heavy heart to apologize to my son, but because I'm stubborn and occasionally a little slow on the uptake, my son was already asleep, and as a reward for my stubbornness, I got to feel cruddy for another nineteen hours before my apology was delivered and accepted.  I digress...

So, does etiquette ever trump authenticity?  Should I really unload all of my drama on some poor, unsuspecting Facebook friend in the name of authenticity?  Should I really treat my children's friends according to my current attitude toward them just to be "real"?   I don't think so, but what's a God-fearing girl to do?

I have two thoughts... (Well, actually, I have a LOT of thoughts, but I'll spare you the word salad...)

Regarding scenario #1:

In James 1:2, we are instructed to "Consider it pure joy...whenever you face trials of many kinds".  Because of Christ, I can be joyful even in the midst of trials.  And Psalm 34:8 says, "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him."  The Lord IS good, and because the Lord is good, I am blessed regardless of my circumstances, when I take refuge in Him.  So when someone asks me how I am, I can honestly say, "Fine. Good!" as long as I am abiding in Christ.

Regarding scenario #2:

How can I treat people who rub me the wrong way kindly without being "two-faced"?  By asking the Lord to change my attitude toward them.  Right is right, regardless of how we feel, and kindness is always right.  Sometimes right feelings don't come until right choices are made.  I can't count the times I've said, "Do the right  thing, and the feelings will follow."  So when a sandpaper person starts rubbin' my last nerve raw, I can honestly choose to be kind while trusting God to change my heart.

So maybe authenticity is worth the effort, and perhaps it's not as impossible as I first thought...but stay tuned, 'cause God's not done with me, and I'm sure there will be a few more tests before the final!